Never look across the valley to compare your grass

This is not a photography blog this time as I find myself in unfamiliar territory.

I find myself bedded down in one of the local hospital wards after suddenly and rather unexplainedly having had numerous pretty severe nose bleeds. Not something I have had in the past so at least I can chalk it up to a new experience, although not much of it pleasant.

Three late night ambulance rides the 15 miles to the hospital after in one case bleeding constantly for over 60 minutes, I can at least say that my kids are not too worried about blood after coming face to face to a scene from the Texas chainsaw massacre at least once each. Each visit to the hospital led to some basic first aid and my first (and second) experience of the cauterizing process. If I can just add at this point that this process is not one I would volunteer my nemesis, if I had one, to. Sure I am sure there are worse things in life to experience (I can clearly hear “childbirth” in the distance, no it must be my imagination). If only that was to be the end of they then…..

The final trip into the hospital was always going to be residential, the doctor had already said as much. So an early hours trip with a few belongings to make the trip again, this time with my bleeding head buried deep into a red (good choice) bath (even better choice) towel, at least the roads were clear.

Things were going to get worse, a whole lot worse at that too. Arriving I was prepared to stand my ground with the glorified soldering iron, this procedure was obviously not working so I saw no point in continuing down that path.

No need though, they had much more imaginative plans in line for the little old me.

PAUSE FOR BREATH

Has anyone else here ever thought to consider sticking a rubber finger up their nose? I mean ALL the way up their nose. No neither had I.

Ok so it was not a finger, I am not convinced it was rubber although it did seen to have a latex cover on it like a condom, oh and they certainly weren’t going to be using only one……. Try as I Might to explain that from childhood I had tried to shove a digit up my nose, up to this day I had never succeeded, why did the doctor think they were going to succeed putting three of these things up there? The look of puzzlement I got back was priceless, I was obviously making a joke. No, this is just a natural way of dealing with the problem.

“ok, now relax, keep your eyes open, it will be over soon enough”, REALLY?

Relax was just wishfully thinking, keeping my eyes open was not a choice I was able to make, and the over soon enough thing was simply a blatant lie.

So with these ‘tamponette’ things in place as they call them, I now have the good fortune to have them in place for at least two days, to give any damaged tissue the chance to repair.

The only slight problem was, that apart from the odd nose bleed (they were not all that bad now if I recall), these bloody things up my nose were acting like a compression inside my nose, so unable to breath through my nose now, I was not really prepared for what went next……..

Oh, I tell a lie, the doctor DID tell me that it would really hurt for the two (or more) days. It was like instantly getting the worst head cold you can imagine. Sinuses blocked, face feeling swollen to twice its real size, every part of my face hurt, properly hurt. I could not believe how much too.

Oh well it least it is only for two-ish days, I am sure I can cope with that.

Now there is only the matter of my room mate who with his snoring trying and succeeding to re-enact every gruesome death ever filmed on the silver screen. So as I leave you now, I am preparing my voice recorder, because these sound bites just don’t come around often or ever for that matter.

I will let you know how I get on……………..